"I am such a deep "feeler" that often times I have to protect a bit what comes my way....I carry stuff greatly. Some people go through their entire life with minimal struggle. While others lose it all. Their hearts are shattered and they cry out to God daily to make it another day. I don't know why that is.
But the reality of that.
The reality is that it all can change in a moment.
I try to hide my heart to a certain degree. I want to protect it and shield it, for I'm afraid it will break. I have to hold it all together for my little family. For if I'm off, it all rolls downhill from there.
The truth is this, I've been sad. I have been sad since Maddy girl passed. I've been sad that a whole piece of me is gone. She was intertwined into my life so much....and I didn't even realize it. As soon as I wake, as I relax in the evening, when I'm cooking, when I get home, I think about her face and how much I miss it. Her smell.
The other part that is sad, is that the whole season of our life has passed. And, the real kicker for me, is that it seems I'm the only one in the family upset and why can't I just move on? It's been almost two weeks. Then, from hiding all the pain and hurt, I get tierd and kind of angry. I'm a sad angry bird. For reals. Just ask Mr. N.
My long exit over the holiday was due to the fact that I didn't feel happy-go-lucky. I don't share this for attention or for you to feel sorry for me. I say this to be 100% authentic to you. So, I will pray. I will pray that this depression will pass over me. That my heart will heal. A
Hey there! I am Annie...a lover of Jesus, a mom to two little dudes, wifey to Mr. N, and school teacher to at-risk kidddos. I blog to try and keep track of all that goes on up in my nutty head....which is often humorous because I laugh at myself daily. If I could hug you I would.