Well, here it is. Just to lay it all out on the table. I've gained weight. And not just a little. Enough that my pants hurt and don't fit. And, no I'm not joking. I suspect a couple of reasons, not to really share here, but the fact still remains.
It is hard to see all the fabulous thin people with their size two bums and not thing poorly of myself. To run out of clothes that fit is hard. Then I tell myself, you are so unattractive, how could anyone love you? Why don't you just stop eating? Why don't you just get your bum of the sofa and workout? Why don't you have any discipline? Why can't you do your goals? Why do you stink so bad at this? You belly has rolls and rolls...don't lay like that. Suck it in. No one can love you at that size. Guess what? All that crap is not from God. And another thing is, you don't know what all their problems are. Yes, they might be thin, but they might have sick babies, an absent husband, be in debt, or be living in pain. You never know the circumstances, so be thankful for God's blessings instead. It's so much easier.
What I'm learning is that, who I am, Annie....really doesn't matter what I weigh. Yes, it would be lovely to be able to wear a bikini and rock it....but that just ain't happen right now. Do I want to work for it. Yes, well kind of. Just joking, yes, I'm going to have to work for it at this stage.
God made his point clear to me. I am not what I weigh. He doesn't care, the world does. My hubs and family and true friends don't care what I weigh. One precious friend told me, if my pants hurt, buy new ones. She insists that I look great the way I am. I appreciate and love her for this...even if she's a size 2, because I know that the size doesn't truly matter.
God gave me this last night, instead of being all depressed and caught up in my weight, I realized that I can be instead grateful and thankful for what it CAN do. Yes, I live pretty much pain free. Yes, I'm healthy! Yes, my body made and sustained two lovely human beings. Yes, I can live an active life! Hip, hip hooray. So for today, I'm trying to eat cleaner, move more, and drink more water. Each day is a new day to make better decisions.
God is pruning me to produce better fruit. His promise is that he adores me as I am. He wants my heart. Nothing else matters my lovelies. Not your pant size or bank account. Hopefully, this old girl will produce some mighty fine fruit. A
Hey there! I am Annie...a lover of Jesus, a mom to two little dudes, wifey to Mr. N, and school teacher to at-risk kidddos. I blog to try and keep track of all that goes on up in my nutty head....which is often humorous because I laugh at myself daily. If I could hug you I would.