Friday, January 31, 2014

Getting Rowdy

Can I hear an AMEN sistas? I might not always agree with Glennon, her link here, but I really agree with this video. Totally inspired me for a talk I have to give about "sin" next weekend to a bunch of college girls. Whoa mamacita. Watch it.

Kiwi Crate

For the mamas out there who aren't crafty, I thought I would share a secret with you! The Kiwi Crate. It is absolutely rad and is delivered to your door every month. It's a garanteed awesome craft project for you and your littlies.

Here are pics of our January kiwi crate. The craft materials are really high quality and they always include extra ideas to extend the project. This month we made winter window decals, polar bear ears and felted mits to play catch with a velcro ball. I ask a grandparent to purchase it every year for Christmas instead of more crapola that we don't need. The boys jump with joy when the box is at the door! You can get "sibling" bonus materials in each crate so that there are no arguments over sharing.

Have a great weekend! I'm thrilled to get my hair "did", have movie night, workout, and just be with my babes. Hugs, a

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Party of Four or Five?

I promise not to make each post a heavy hitter, but this one's been in the works for a year. I’ve been putting off sharing about it, and whenever I feel that, I know it’s a topic that needs to be discussed, because others must feel it too. And that maybe, just maybe, by sharing someone out there won't feel alone in this.

How do you know when your family is complete? When are you done having babies? It seems to me that some moms just “know”. I however don’t. I am turning 36 in May and feel the timer a ticking. Pardon my French, but as my family would say, “It’s time to shit or get off the pot.”

How does a mama know when she is 100% done having babies? I’m obviously on the fence, and depending on the day and time the answer might be different. I’ve been praying on this for over a year now. Seriously hard. And the resounding answer that God has given me is to wait. Wait for what I ask? I'm like a three year old not being patient and want my answer NOW! Talk about bringing me down a notch or two.

As this year has gone on, I’ve asked myself some very hard questions and really wrestled with this.

Why have another baby?.....Because my womb is empty?......Or because it would be the best thing for our family?

Do I want a baby because my babies are growing up and I want to prolong the inevitable?

Can I work at a job I love and still be a great mom to three kids?

Is there enough of me to go around? That's a huge one for me....

What strain would that cause on Mr. N and I?

Would Ben and Sam get enough of my love?

Do I have it in me to get up in the nights still and go to work?

Let’s not even mention the financial aspect here…. Having a baby is not really a "logical" choice. The cons on paper will out weigh the pros. It would be heart decision. For sure!

Here are some of the answers that God and I have wrestled with. God has put it on my heart to save “space” or “room” for something else. I don’t know what that other thing is yet. I’m not sure if it’s my at-risk students that require a certain amount of my emotions, or something new. Also, God told me, my measure of being a great mom has nothing to do with how many kids I can wrangle. Be it one or ten. You aren’t a better mom because you can handle more babies. Once you are a mom, you are a MOM. Weather your babies are alive or in heaven.

Instead of just slamming a door shut in my face, God has so very sweetly moved me into that direction. I had never actually seen this tender side of God before. It is precious and yet another reason why I love trying to follow in Christ’s footsteps. I guess after Sam, I thought why not keep going? Obviously, there are some days when Mr. N and I look at each other and say, “And you wanted more?” And other days, I feel the tug at babyhood that has since passed me by. I feel comfortable with my empty womb and not lonely (right this second, that might change in an hour!)

For now, I’m trying to be the best mom possible for my two dudes. To be in the moment, even it’s a crappy one (like this morning). To do all I can to raise loving, caring children who know God’s unconditional love. We'll see if God has different plans....I will just TRUST that He can take care of all of me. If any ladies out there have the answers, please share the wealth.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014


The other day, we let Zippy, a green anole, go back into our back yard. Well, sweet Benno was sobbing because Zippy’s poor tail came off on accident. It was kind of crusty and yucky and Ben just couldn’t accept that poor Zippy needed to live outside instead of on his dresser in tupperware. My first instinct was to say, “It’s okay honey, do you want to play on my iPad?”

I paused myself.

It is important to just be in that moment. Be uncomfortable. Don’t mask it with something else, like technology (or shopping, or pinterest, the list goes on). How often do I just cover up? So instead we just sat there together, him crying and whimpering, on my bed together. I wiped his hot, big tears and held him. The storm passed and he went back to Legos.

I’m not one to be uncomfy or to let my kids be uncomfy, but this was a lesson for me that stuck to my very bones. Then, the harder question is how do we raise resilient children? To be able to roll with the punches? But not discredit their feelings? I want my kids to be able to acknowledge, name the feelings, and learn to work through them. To problem solve if you will. The even trickier part is that this is difficult as an adult…what does the kid version look like??

It’s a hard job being a mom. Holy crap. That grey area sure is rough.

If any of my sweet readers have great advice, I’m all ears! Happy Wednesday to you my lovely. Hugs, a

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Letter to Ben

You are seven. How am I old enough to have a seven year old I ask? I remember the day that you fought your way into this world. For starters, you were a beautiful unplanned blessing. I prayed for you. That’s it. But, the day of your arrival, three weeks early I might add, boy-o-boy did you want to be here. After all hell broke loose, and almost every possible thing to go wrong had (I will spare you the details), your sweet face was next to mine. I was exhausted and madly in love.

Dearest Benno:
When I look into your sweet face, all I see is light, freckles and love. You are stronger than you know. You haven’t learned this yet though. We are learning to read. You just took your training wheels off and worked so hard with your sweet daddy. I’m learning that it’s harder for me to teach you the right way….than to just do it for you. To watch you struggle through something is hard on your old mama. I’m working on it. But the struggle is part of your story and learning that you can do HARD things honey. You can do absolutely anything.

You are truly precious and a child of God. I know in every cell of my being that Jesus loves you more than I could ever fathom. Even more than I love you….which is really nuts to me. Mind blowing really. You love all living things and organisms. You love to explore and have quiet times. You get up very early and just play until I come get you. Your best bud and arch nemesis is your bro. You are handsome and beautiful and are starting to understand that I’m probably a dork. Which, I’m totally fine with. You are recognizing embarrassment…because when I drop you off I like to declare my love for you out my car window. It makes you cringe. I will stop soon. Maybe.

You know that I love you unconditionally, always and forever. Ben, you stretch me as a person. You make me find new depths for patience and energy. You want nothing more than to be with me usually. You’ve only lost two teeth, but have a loose one. Honey, I’m always proud of you. You are my sweet light. Thank you for just being yourself. Because baby, sometimes I find that hard. Thank you for having faith and patience in me, because sometimes I stink at being your mom, but I’m doing my very best. Thank you for choosing me to be your mom. I will always and forever love you Ben.

Juicy, wet kisses and tight hugs until you tell me I’m hurting you,

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Back in the Saddle again

Well, well, well....there you are. I'm back, but only partially. And to be transparent about it, I'm a little nervous. I stopped blogging because I felt like I had to produce quality posts all the dang time. And truth be told, every day I didn't have something witty or profound to say. Some weeks I didn't either. Hence the break. I discovered though, that the pressure I felt…was put on by myself, and no one else.

Over the Christmas break I was taking the trash out and thought….It’s time. It’s time to write again. When I do, I process my thoughts, feelings, and sort it all out in my nutty head. Once I get it all down, it’s seems that the Spirit just flows on through me easier. I’m lighter you might say. Clearer.

So I’m back.

Since my absence in the blog, our little family has have moved, gone to Guatemala, thrown a killer Lego birthday party, and acquired a lizard, named Zippy, only let it go. Ben just turned seven and I can’t let that moment pass without documenting it for the sweet child of mine, so he can read it in the years to come if he chooses.

Here are my 2014 Proposed Goals:
1. To not feel pressure to post every day or even every week. Will only post if I have something to say or share.
2. To eat cleaner. Less processed crapola for me and my family. No more hot lime cheetos everyday.
3. Invest in cooking. Invest in quality organic ingredients for my family.
4. Invest in my body. Move more and push myself past my comfort zone.
5. Say no more. And not feel guilty about it.
6. Make time for the important stuff. For example, just watching my dudes ride bikes, or sitting with Mr. N
7. Be in the moment.  Whatever it may be....just full on in it.  If it's freak outs by little men or lovely moments with hugs and kisses, I just want to savor and milk everyday for what it is.....a blessing.

Happy New Year my sweet readers if you still out there.  Thank you for your patience with me.  Thank you for your faithfulness.  I pray your day is full of joy and blessings....

Tight hugs as always, a
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