Thursday, January 16, 2014

Letter to Ben

You are seven. How am I old enough to have a seven year old I ask? I remember the day that you fought your way into this world. For starters, you were a beautiful unplanned blessing. I prayed for you. That’s it. But, the day of your arrival, three weeks early I might add, boy-o-boy did you want to be here. After all hell broke loose, and almost every possible thing to go wrong had (I will spare you the details), your sweet face was next to mine. I was exhausted and madly in love.

Dearest Benno:
When I look into your sweet face, all I see is light, freckles and love. You are stronger than you know. You haven’t learned this yet though. We are learning to read. You just took your training wheels off and worked so hard with your sweet daddy. I’m learning that it’s harder for me to teach you the right way….than to just do it for you. To watch you struggle through something is hard on your old mama. I’m working on it. But the struggle is part of your story and learning that you can do HARD things honey. You can do absolutely anything.

You are truly precious and a child of God. I know in every cell of my being that Jesus loves you more than I could ever fathom. Even more than I love you….which is really nuts to me. Mind blowing really. You love all living things and organisms. You love to explore and have quiet times. You get up very early and just play until I come get you. Your best bud and arch nemesis is your bro. You are handsome and beautiful and are starting to understand that I’m probably a dork. Which, I’m totally fine with. You are recognizing embarrassment…because when I drop you off I like to declare my love for you out my car window. It makes you cringe. I will stop soon. Maybe.

You know that I love you unconditionally, always and forever. Ben, you stretch me as a person. You make me find new depths for patience and energy. You want nothing more than to be with me usually. You’ve only lost two teeth, but have a loose one. Honey, I’m always proud of you. You are my sweet light. Thank you for just being yourself. Because baby, sometimes I find that hard. Thank you for having faith and patience in me, because sometimes I stink at being your mom, but I’m doing my very best. Thank you for choosing me to be your mom. I will always and forever love you Ben.

Juicy, wet kisses and tight hugs until you tell me I’m hurting you,

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