How do you know when your family is complete? When are you done having babies? It seems to me that some moms just “know”. I however don’t. I am turning 36 in May and feel the timer a ticking. Pardon my French, but as my family would say, “It’s time to shit or get off the pot.”
How does a mama know when she is 100% done having babies? I’m obviously on the fence, and depending on the day and time the answer might be different. I’ve been praying on this for over a year now. Seriously hard. And the resounding answer that God has given me is to wait. Wait for what I ask? I'm like a three year old not being patient and want my answer NOW! Talk about bringing me down a notch or two.
As this year has gone on, I’ve asked myself some very hard questions and really wrestled with this.
Why have another baby?.....Because my womb is empty?......Or because it would be the best thing for our family?
Do I want a baby because my babies are growing up and I want to prolong the inevitable?
Can I work at a job I love and still be a great mom to three kids?
Is there enough of me to go around? That's a huge one for me....
What strain would that cause on Mr. N and I?
Would Ben and Sam get enough of my love?
Do I have it in me to get up in the nights still and go to work?
Let’s not even mention the financial aspect here…. Having a baby is not really a "logical" choice. The cons on paper will out weigh the pros. It would be heart decision. For sure!
Instead of just slamming a door shut in my face, God has so very sweetly moved me into that direction. I had never actually seen this tender side of God before. It is precious and yet another reason why I love trying to follow in Christ’s footsteps. I guess after Sam, I thought why not keep going? Obviously, there are some days when Mr. N and I look at each other and say, “And you wanted more?” And other days, I feel the tug at babyhood that has since passed me by. I feel comfortable with my empty womb and not lonely (right this second, that might change in an hour!)
For now, I’m trying to be the best mom possible for my two dudes. To be in the moment, even it’s a crappy one (like this morning). To do all I can to raise loving, caring children who know God’s unconditional love. We'll see if God has different plans....I will just TRUST that He can take care of all of me. If any ladies out there have the answers, please share the wealth.