Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Hustle and Hope

{Please excuse my grainy pictures...I didn't bring my Canon, and boy-o-boy do I wish I would have! Everything was beautiful!}

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer
Psalm 20

This weekend at Hope Spoken was awesome to say the least. I'm still processing through much of it. My heart is wrecked in the best way. I was wondering how long it would take for God to show up...and it didn't take long. Within the first ten minutes of worship-the Spirit was swelling. I found myself singing and weeping. All I could think was that I was washing myself clean. That all my crappy, ugly parts were leaving this broken body, and the spirit was refilling me. And this was only the beginning.

The decorations were gorgeous and creative. Every single detail was thought out and beautiful. The food was delish and I put on four pounds. No joke. I've never had a cake pop that amazing. The speakers were all different and profound.

Shauna Niequist was the first speaker and author of Cold Tangerines, Bittersweet, and Bread and Wine. Her writing is spiritually and emotionally raw. In the midst of mundane story-telling she manages an shift, weaving experience into digestible pieces of very raw wisdom. Inexplicably, after almost every chapter, I found myself faced...with myself. Magical.

Her talk hit home for me. Shauna talked about being in a hurry all the time, that she was "too tired to gulp down life anymore". She was tired of the hustle. She declared that her new goal was to have MORE LOVE, LESS HUSTLE. She found herself angry and administering to her kids instead of loving them. Here are some of her "wise nuggets" that I took away.

Doing more and more will not make ME more.

The best part of me is not the tough part that can handle lots.

Tough or hard is not what I want to be.

She adopted an "Anti-Frantic" Policy. She would ask herself, "If saying yes to this, will it make me hustle more?"

The word "should" is a red flag. When I say, "I should do this or that..." Should never brings happiness.

The thing is your life and you are missing it. You are worried and upset about many things, and you are missing it. {in reference to Martha and Mary}

"Busy" is a drug and defense. Being busy keeps you numb, which then leads to exhaustion, fragile and breaking.

To be Present, Whole, and Brave. Do my best. Lay down busy. Pursue Love.

I would say that I've definitely been heading in the direction of less hustle. I barely committ to anything, not because I'm being flakey, but because I want to be PRESENT in the moment with our life. For me that means, less time running around straightening up a house, or waiting until tomorrow to empty that dishwasher. It means not going to that dinner party so I can tuck my dudes in. Being present in our life means that when the anger in me boils up for no reason, that I look at it. Really stare it down. I don't dismiss it....but try to figure out why is it there in the first place.

Ben recently wanted to sign up for soccer. Which on the surface sounds like a lovely idea. But, there are practices twice a week and a game. That's committment. But, my goal is that even though most evenings right now have something on the schedule for me to never yell at my kids, "Hurry up!" Because, this is the moment. This is my life. And I want it to be a Love Story.

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