Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Mawwage

Mawwage…aka marriage from Princess Bride When I got married, I thought it was all roses. I pictured us running to each other in a field of lovely green grass. No, not really, but kind of. I figured it would be easy and simple because we love each other so much. Mr. N and I have been together for fifteen years now, and married for almost 11. When I type that out, it seems like chunk of time….but he surprises me daily. Our marriage is by no means perfect, so please know that I don’t write this to portray that. I just want to be genuine and real.

We just got back from our yearly marriage retreat. One of the topics was, “remember why you fell in love with your spouse”. As I brewed on the reasons I love Mr. N, I was reminded how much that sweet man loves me. He is my rock. But, if you know us, you would know that we are VERY different.

I’m wordy, a bit loud at times, love to dance, drink coffee, fly by the seat of my pants, partake in cocktails, have a horrible memory, don’t think before I speak, am a bad driver (or so I’ve been told), and am an emotional open book. Mr. N is none of those things. He is diligent, deliberant, and exact, can remember things I said 15 years ago, can back up a trailer in the dark, doesn’t drink anything that I do, is private and generally is very thorough and disciplined.

But, in spite of all that….he’s it for me. He’s my safe harbor. He puts up with all my craziness and loves me unconditionally. He calls me out on my illogical behavior, then takes off my shoes, and tucks me into bed for a nap.

I had some alone time and really thought about what I would tell my newlywed self. I would tell her, that marriage will look very different you think. That a good marriage is work sometimes. That love is not enough for marriage. You will have to fight for it. There are highs and lows….and appreciate the highs, but know that the lows will eventually come as well. In the lows, just have the faith that it will pass as well. You will have to actively choose your spouse, over and over again. Your hubbie is unlike any other. Therefore, you shouldn’t compare him to others. He is unique in his gifts and short comings. Change your thoughts, meaning don’t obsess over what he isn’t doing, rather what he IS. Ask for help if you need it, he can’t read our thoughts or deep sighs.

Every day you have to choose to connect with him. If you don’t, you will inevitably feel disconnected. You will never drift together, only apart, so you have to fight to connect. You cannot change the man you married. Don’t even try. It will go really poorly….listen to me! You can only change your reaction to him. The “D” word is off the table. Don’t mention divorce or leaving to hurt the other. It’s just mean.

Have fun together as often as you can. You will in those moments remember your old self. Especially once kids are thrown into the mix. I tell you all these things in hopes that it can possibly help someone out there in the interweb. I still have buckoos to learn, but I’ve learned a couple of things the hard way. If you can learn from me, and not have to suffer in the muck, so be it!

P.S: Mr. N, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. Thanks for putting up with my shenanigans and taking your hat off in that library….xoxox your wifey

1 comment:

  1. Your advice to your newlywed self is so much like what mine would be to my newlywed self.
    The question is - would 11 years ago have listened/believed? I know my 10 years ago self didn't because I heard those things but in my happy "the world is my oyster" bubble they went in one ear and out the other...

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...